Hard Reset

I've fallen somewhat silent over the last several months, and maybe you’ve noticed. The past year has been the most challenging time of my life.

Joanie and I have divorced. I got word yesterday it is official.

We've been carefully considering this difficult step for a while. I like to be an open person, so not talking to others about what’s been going on has been one of the hardest parts. I’ve been writing and rewriting this post for 7 months; this is draft 12 and I’m still not sure there’s a good way to talk about this. But I needed to start somewhere.

We've been trying to fix things for the past few years. Going through the process of addressing what was wrong helped us clarify the issues. We became two different people in our priorities and goals, and we each needed our own space to acknowledge this.

I am a product of parents who split up. Even as a teen thinking about getting married someday this is the one thing I said I would never do — I still don't like using the "D" word. But sometimes this is what life deals you. I set up an apartment and we separated February 1.

I've made it pretty well so far. There have been some solitary moments. There are still some challenges to figure out. Despite the downsides I’m adjusting quickly and making it through.

It has been exciting to have a fresh start. I've revisited skills not used since college. I've had to relearn how to plan meals, find recipes, make shopping lists, watch for sales, rotate the pantry, cook and clean everything myself, create a budget, furnish a home, learn about buying silverware, remember life without unlimited free laundry, be a good single parent in a compressed timeframe.

I've been treating this as my adventure. In the last few months I've gotten a new home, a new office at work, a new car, and a new church responsibility (Cub Scouts). The rug has been pulled from under me and given a good shaking.

There are silver linings. I’ve had to summon courage to uproot everything I know and begin a new life. I’ve had to fight discouragement and refigure my purpose and goals. I’ve learned what a significant support true friends can be, even through the smallest gestures of kindness. This last sentence brings tears.

I’ve had to rely on God more than ever before, and in return I am finding inspiration all around me. I’m finding there is a plan for me, which I catch sight of little by little. I've made a few mistakes along the way trying to adapt to my new surroundings. I'm trying to make things right, and remake myself better. What I'm most amazed by is how much there is yet for me to learn and grow through all this. Opportunity is all around.

All in all, so far, so good, I’m starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. I’m getting ready for what comes next.

Junk Culture

These recycled flowers are planted in front of the Luther Place Memorial Church on Thomas Circle in Washington, DC. There’s an entire junk garden around the 1873 church, which doesn’t quite match its stately architecture.

This photo of Thomas Circle is from 1922 — you can see the church at the top center, and there’s the giant Martin Luther statue out front.

Tin Can Alley

At the Albany Tulip Festival the pathways through Washington Park are lined with vendors selling jewelry, kitchen gadgets, hand-blown glass, etc. Usual stuff you'd see at any craft fair.

The one booth that really caught my eye had these ornate votive holders — with a candle going inside they shine intricate patterns onto nearby surfaces. After looking for a minute you realize the lamps are made out of old vegetable cans. Wow, really cool.

Fountains of Wayne

Headlining the Albany Tulip Festival this year was Fountains of Wayne, a band I learned about from a friend in grad school. (The music you listen to in college is essential, even if you're older.) I loved seeing them for free!

They write hooky music with clever, snarky lyrics with frequent references to the northeast — even better. You've probably heard Stacy's Mom, a masterclass in how to write a pop song — it was a definite crowd-pleaser in Washington Park. Adam Schlesinger (in black on bass) wrote the key songs in the Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore movie Music and Lyrics. Katy Perry covers their song Hackensack, but their original is better.

I never get to use my monster 200mm lens, it looks and weighs the same as a bazooka; this was the perfect chance to try it with some concert photography. I keep forgetting how good it is, I got some great up-close photos. Here's the full set on Flickr.

Mess of Pottage

One of the scariest things is when you realize you’re turning out just like your parents.

When we were growing up, if there were two top things we complained about to my mom, they would be:

1. She smiled at everybody at church all the time.
2. When she made boring lentil soup for dinner.

I did both today.

I didn’t think about it being Mother’s Day when I started making soup this afternoon, but it was ironically fitting.

Happy Mother’s Day, Universe — you win.

Night Vision

This weekend at the Father-Son Campout I brought my camera and tripod to do some time-lapse star trails. It didn't take long after getting the camera set up for the teenage boys to want to commandeer my shoot. I'll do star trails another day.

Most of these are 30 second exposures — we're out in a field in the dark, but over that length of time the camera can collect quite a bit of light, provided by the stars, iPod touches and flashlights.

In the case of the globe and spiral we twirled a flashlight tied to a rope. To give a bolder beam, we tied a fluffed napkin around the flashlight lens, sort of like the hair on a Troll doll.

Here are the rest of the photos on Flickr.

A Three-Hour Tour

Last Saturday I hopped in the car and drove 3 hours to the Boston Temple. It was a last-minute decision to go, and a lot to cram into one day. But I ended up having a perfect day.

Someone in church said the next day how nice it is to be 3 hours away from the closest temple — it's a chance to prepare yourself to go inside. You can have some quality alone time with your spouse, listen to music, or listen to church talks, which is what I did. Along with enjoying the pretty scenery passing through the blooming Berkshires in western Mass. The idea once you're inside is to forget about the world and your problems for a while, so the drive time helps get me started toward the right frame of mind.

Not that we'll see a temple in Albany anytime soon, but if I ever moved to a different city and lived closer by ... would I miss that preparation time? Would I miss the sacrifice in time or expense, the planning and dedication it takes to go regularly? I think I might.

You Should Be In Pictures

Miracles never cease: it’s April 30, and the General Conference issue of the May Ensign magazine is in my mailbox. This is the thick issue that’s usually here around May 10th because of the logistical nightmare of rounding up 40 different speakers’ addresses from the semiannual conference. I think the immediacy of the Internet is making everybody get their acts together.

One of the wonderful changes to the May and November Ensign in the past years has been the addition of color photos. As a former printer I used to love looking with my loupe at the subtle craftsmanship of the old duotone rosettes that came from combining two ink colors. But the very first time they ran the photos in color it blew me away. This is my COJCOLDS, no longer Brother Brigham's.

And am I crazy or is the quality of the photography increasing every six months?

The first thing I did was flip through the entire thing to see the photos, and just about all are stunning. Most photos are candids of people visiting Temple Square. I wish I could shoot people this well. Page 2 says there were 13 photographers contributing from Temple Square. I see 87 photos in here that look like they came from that setting, so that means a photographer has to get 6 or 7 outstanding shots out of hundreds of photos taken over two days. The adventurous side of me thinks it would be fun to be the 14th photographer; the rational side knows I would be a stress case — this assignment is way harder than it sounds.

Photoshop is making us all better photographers these days, and I see its influence here for sure. Some of the photos in here are impossible to get without its help. I don’t consider this cheating; this is just the way things roll today.

Since multiple people are going to ask me how they did this or that, this post is my photo critique of the May 2012 Ensign magazine. Let’s go through and I’ll tell you what I see. Discussion (or disagreement) about what you see is definitely welcomed!

---

Cover: There’s no way you can shoot this well under overcast skies, in the rain, with faces halfway under umbrellas. This involved major surgery. Shadows obscuring the mother’s, father’s and middle son’s faces have been lightened. Detail of the temple brought out of the haze. Colors shouldn’t pop like that in the rain, either. Look at the goosebumps on mom’s right arm — this is an expensive camera. A lucky shot for as cluttered as it is, and wonderful post-production.

p. 5 aerial: Made me say wow. This photographer spent hours on a balcony to get two shots printed in the magazine. But the variety they contribute makes it so worth it. Printed across two pages like that really adds to the scale, it just about makes you want to be Mormon.

pp. 6-7: Do you notice when the editors pick choose a photo that matches the talk title? If you don’t, you should — both photos on this spread do. The nonplussed preschooler holding white iPad made me laugh, it's a different spin on "A Little Child Shall Lead Them."

p. 8: Photoshop used to bring back detail in the background tree after lightening the faces all in shadow. Impossible otherwise.

p. 17: Great backlighting. Curly hair goes great with this.

p. 18: The rain gives really nice variety opposed to the regular photos we see in here, just like the snow in May 2011’s issue did. I listened to Conference with audio only so I had no idea what the weather was doing. Love the slow shutter speed used to show rain blowing sideways — it totally makes the shot.

p. 20: Looks like HDR or tone mapping used to saturate all colors. Nice focus on the flowers throwing people into blur, not what you’d expect. Foreground blur may have been faked.

p. 30: Long exposure with a tripod, might be HDR with all the blurring of people, plus tone mapping to equalize detail throughout. Some people’s faces on the left were blurred manually — their bodies are in focus.

p. 43: Best photo in the entire issue. Love the diagonal line. Love the golden color palette, though it would also be outstanding in b&w.

p. 46: A very observant photographer at work.

p. 49: Long telephoto lens used to compress the humans into scale with the bronze from far off. Outstanding framing.

p. 71: Faked. The tree was not that bright and saturated next the lighted temple.

p. 87: Disturbing use of the blur brush in Photoshop. Tone mapping to saturate colors. The fountain should be a lot brighter than that. This may be 2 photos put together.

p. 89: Nice stakeout by the photographer watching all his light sources, plus probably a flash on his end. Left bush fake blurred.

p. 91: Both eyeglass frames are at a diagonal to the camera. Older sister only has one lens in focus; younger sister has both in focus. What the...?

p. 100: Love it, love it, love it. The photographer was exclaiming for joy for a week after he got this candid of a black man and a white man walking arm in arm. It demonstrates the message of the gospel perhaps more powerfully than many of the talks in the magazine. I love capturing something like this, it happens once a year.

p. 104: I love looking for genetic similarities in families. It’s like a hobby.

p. 107: The eyeglasses are the window to the soul: absolute worst photo in the issue. The photographer thinks it’s the best. She’ll look at it in two years and wonder: Oh my heck, what was I thinking??? Not even the eyes are in focus. Hopefully this fad will pass.

p. 110: You can see the bead next to the journal in sharp focus, yet not read the notes on the page. Privacy maintained with the Blur tool. Just like what they do with sensitive photographs in the White House Situation Room when you're getting terrorists.

p. 127: I have this theory that personalities repeat themselves among different groups of people. Who do you recognize in these women and young women?

p. 143: The final wheelchair photo in the issue. How many wheelchairs total did you spot in this issue? I know the answer; in my work we have to portray diversity, so I watch these things.

Back cover: Photographer thinks — stupid baby! Photo editor thinks — maybe everyone will notice the boy’s tilted head and fabulous backlighting more than the stupid baby.

Open Door Policy

The weather's getting nicer in New York. The other Saturday I took the little kids out on the deck for a porch picnic lunch, which they loved.

Every morning there's a redheaded bird that sits on that same porch rail and sings to me ... looking through my grandpa's birding field guide it looks like a redpoll. I'll need to take a picture and get back to you.

Will It Blend?

My coworker Ro is a foodie and we talk about recipes and kitchen stuff all the time. This week she was cleaning out her cupboards and brought me a couple things she was tired of.

She said she was bringing a handheld mixer with a chopper attachment — good for onions and celery without smelling like them for the next two days.

The item I wasn't expecting from her was a gleaming chrome drink blender designed by the Cylon Empire. It's heavy and solid, like carrying around an Oscar. And Stewart's is having its ice cream sale next week ...

On the menu this weekend: soup and milkshakes!

Hi-Ho, Silver, Away!

Or is that Hi-ho, Alabaster Silver Metallic, away?

Meet my new wheels, the 2012 Honda CR-V EX. I'm coming up on 2,000 miles and I love, love, love this car. It's a little roomier than my previous Accord, which will be good as the kids get taller.

I did a funny thing, I bought the car without first taking a test drive. I was renting a 2011 CR-V while my wrecked car was getting adjusted, and forgot to road test the redesigned 2012 before I started signing papers. By the time I first drove a 2012, my plates were already on it. But that's how much I trust Honda. I was in for a great surprise, the 2012 CR-V rides so much smoother, it's a lot less jarring ride than the previous models.

Built into the dash is a 6-inch LCD which has the backup camera, phone and audio controls. When I get into the car Bluetooth links with my smartphone, and I can use the dash and steering wheel controls to place calls and talk hands-free. If you get into the car while you're on the phone, you can start the car and it takes over the call.

My favorite feature: a USB port to dock and charge my iPod. The dashboard and steering wheel controls extend the iPod interface to the car — the single dashboard knob with center button restores the original iPod clickwheel interface I miss so much on the new tactile-free touchscreens. Get this, even the album art shows up on the car LCD ... wicked! There's also the standard 1/8 stereo jack so backseat drivers can DJ. Or you can plug a flash drive into USB and navigate folders onscreen. When you slow down and stop, the audio quiets a touch. It's the best iPod dock and speaker system you can buy!

As with all Hondas there are thoughtful cubbies placed all over the car, and I keep finding spots to put stuff. Pull two levers in the trunk and the rear bench seat tilts into the floor while the seatbacks fold forward to make a giant hauling area.

I keep finding new things to love. This stake conference weekend I did a lot of back and forth highway driving. It's been raining buckets, but I've felt surefooted the whole way with all-wheel drive.

I love the fog lights! They expand the peripheral view of the road at night, great for deer crossings. Outside temperature readout! MPG readout! Econ readout — arcs on either side of the speedo light up green when your driving is energy-efficient. Just lots of nice touches everywhere.

Yes, it's a tool to get me between Points A and B, I can't take it with me. But meanwhile, figuratively and literally, I'm going to enjoy the ride.

Dry

We had a very mild winter with not a lot of snow, and I think we're going to pay for it. Driving west last week along the Mohawk the river was super low with a lot of exposed river bed. U.S. Geologic Service graphs show just how bad it's been — water discharge levels normally go up this time of year, but they're headed in the opposite direction. Kind of ironic after the flooding we got from Hurricane Irene in August.

Wet

One leaf hanging on for dear life in a waterfall. Handheld with a long-ish exposure to smear the water. Hiking behind neighborhood houses at Indian Kill, Easter weekend.

Birdwatch

Here are just some of the visitors that stop by outside my new office window.

Since spring came I've been visited by this small gray tufted titmouse (yes, it's a bird). Twenty times a day he'll come fluttering and banging into my window to unleash a pecking attack. My theory is he's seeing his reflection and thinks it's a mating competitor.

I've been concerned he might develop TBI (traumatic beak injury). I printed out some photos of owls, taped them on the window outside, but they didn't do any good. In fact he finds the papers a handy place to stand and plan the next attack.

It's getting to the point where I just don't hear him anymore. Stupid bird.

Forestry Service

Things were getting cramped downtown at the Albany VA Medical Center, so they moved a bunch of us who don't see patients out to an office park near Crossgates Mall. You might think this would make me feel unwanted, but it's been such an upgrade — I'm so much happier to go to work every day. My one-way commute is now 15 miles instead of 25, there are literally a thousand less cars to contend with for parking, and I'm suddenly closer to stores and errands I can get done at lunchtime.

Where I used to have the VA boiler plant and smokestack as the view out my dirty 6th floor window, I'm now on the ground surrounded by Albany's Pine Bush Preserve just 20 feet out my floor-to-ceiling corner office windows. I'll put on my wireless headset for a conference call and watch birds, squirrels and chipmunks go about their business. During a boring call I can pull out my 300mm lens and take nature shots. I'm facing the perfect direction so that on clear days Sol tracks across the sky from one window to the next, bringing warmth and sunshine whenever I want it. What a great place to work!

Twelve April Twelve

Today's my birthday! I took the day off and got up at 4:30 a.m. to travel 3 hours west to Palmyra, NY with a pile of youth from church.

We visited the temple, toured the Smith Sr. farm and log home, walked the Sacred Grove, and climbed the Hill Cumorah. At lunch in the Cumorah visitor center basement the kids rattled the floorboards singing "Happy Birthday" to me, which made me smile.

After that full day I raced home to my kids for a pizza party and Uno ruckus. They know the way to my heart: I got bags of Peppermint Patties, almond M&Ms, giant Wint-o-Green Life Savers, Tic Tacs and Post-it Notes. I'm pretty easy to please.

All that and I drove 400 miles today. I can barely keep my eyes open. Good night!

Easter 2012

I still can't decide which I like better, the picture of Claire's chocolatey hands, or her take on the daughter of Herodias asking for John the Baptist's head in a charger.

This year the Easter bunny relied on his camouflage skills to hide plastic jellybean-filled eggs around the house: we finally found a green egg in the middle of a pile of green Legos, and the last yellow egg was nestled in the fork of my yellow mountain bike. That is one sneaky bunny.

I just realized every picture here is about food, and Claire's ears perked up when one of the speakers at church said the word "Peeps" twice in his talk. But our Easter wasn't completely shallow. After church I took the little kids to Cemetery Hill in Glenville and we walked around the tombstones and talked about how all these people would wake up someday.

Let Us Sing With One Accord

Madeleine went out with Joanie Saturday to practice for her driver's license test. She was coming out of a stop to cross a road in a tight residential area, and got T-boned by a guy going way too fast.

Luckily Madeleine gunned it when she saw him coming at her. Her instinct was right on, it saved Joanie's life. He hit the rear passenger door with such force it spun them 180° into the curb across the street. Joanie's side airbag went off and knocked her around some more. No ticket was issued.

Do yourself a favor and stay out of Amsterdam.

This 2001 Accord EX has been my favorite car so far; it ran like crazy, and like its owner it still looked good for its age!

Its best feature? It was paid for.

We have yet to hear from the insurance adjuster, but I went ahead and said goodbye today, just in case.

Peanuts

Carter and Claire are discovering Peanuts. They had a great afternoon today each taking a book and reading on their own quietly.

They don’t understand everything going on in these 1950-60s strips, but it’s so fun when there’s one that makes them giggle. Carter came to a funny bunch about Linus losing his blanket when Lucy flew it as a kite, so he started reading them aloud to all of us.

The books they’re reading came to me during my first job when I was a senior in high school working in a printing shop. My boss had previously managed presses for a big publishing house and gave me his collection of Peanuts books that were each the first copy off the press.

Eight Points

I have this classic Scrabble game that has been in my family's closet at least since I was five. Today Claire helped me alphabetize and inventory the letters to make sure we have the full set.

Sometimes the kids like to play with games as toys. Once that happens, it's all over — you're finding little green houses and red hotels in random places across the house.

Thankfully I'm playing Scrabble with a full deck.